Big Sound Temple Page 17

  I see him bend down and climb inside square shape gap. Just then is explode and all glass fly out of long corridor. Wind make flame shoot across narrow garden. One small tree quick start catch the fire.

  There is man shout very loud. I able to hear some word even above noise of fire that is now everywhere. I think is Yamashita san who shout. Because he have the very power voice.

  I hear word like HIRO and FIRE MAN and IS COME and YOU HEAR ME. But I not have strength for to shout back and my finger let go and I fall back inside dark smoke fill toilet.

  More pain this time in my back and my eye close. Open my eye and try to stand up. No success. Both leg feel like is make of rubber. Try again and use wall of toilet for support.

  Now air very thick with smoke and more crack sound from heavy slide wood toilet door. I move out of Japanese style toilet and see lose sink on wall.

  I not want die in toilet. I mean I not want die any where but special not in toilet. I remember Elvis Presley die in the toilet. My father very much like Elvis Presley like he very much like Eric Clapton.

  My mind is start wander. This is very danger sign. I quick hold edge of sink with both hand. It slight move. I very please now I not fix this sink. Because I have the idea.

  I start pull at sink with my hand. I have to stop when bad wrist feel like someone is stick the knife in it.

  Then I try again. Sink get more lose. There is metal pipe come up from floor and it go in sink. Sink only have cold water tap.

  I start cry for real now. Not just because of all smoke. Because my wrist and back and other part of body just hurt so much and I think I die here.

  But then thing like miracle happen. Because sink fall from wall and crash on tile floor and water is just spray everywhere. Metal pipe that go in sink have break.

  Water very cold. I quick wet all over. Is much pressure in spray. I hold pipe with both hand and try to bend it toward heavy slide wood door. I only slight success because metal pipe is quite thick. Also I have no strength and I think I break the wrist.

  But some water is now spray on door. I move next to western style toilet. This is by wall that is between man toilet and outside corridor.

  I hold edge of slide door with finger and try for to pull it open. It open very slowly but immediate I see flame enter toilet.

  There is hiss noise as water from sink pipe hit flame. I slow pull door more open. Door not so hot to hold at edge.

  I now not have strength even of child. More flame enter but meet the spray water. If this water sudden stop I die. If it keep come may be I have chance of survive.

  There is so much smoke now that air just black. I kneel and keep my head low as I able toward floor. I see on TV one time that this is what person should do when trap in the fire.

  But no more flame is come in toilet now even though I have heavy slide wood door almost complete open. Spray water is put out some of fire in corridor outside.

  I stay long as I able to by western style toilet but soon I know I about to lose conscious. Just not able to breath any more.

  I have to go now and try to get in shoin room. Then to get out of wood and glass slide door to area around pond that have the koi. If I able to get behind big pond I be safe there even if all temple complete burn.

  I move forward and risk look out beyond heavy slide wood door. Very hot and some fire still outside though almost not able to see flame because of all black smoke.

  Water keep spray and I am soak. I think this help if my body get near flame. Stop me easy catch fire.

  I have to go now. I move out and turn right. I see slide wood and paper door of shoin that have the temple symbol print on them all on fire. Some gap where door have all burn. Fire around gap but still entrance in to shoin.

  I move quick put arm over head and run through gap. I feel my hand burn and give cry of more pain. But then I in shoin.

  There is lot of fire here. Is burn thing like six long table and zabuton. But still I see route I able to take that go past old wood statue of the Buddha and other statue of the Buddha helper with the many arm. There is yet no fire this part of room.

  I see out of five old slide door of wood and glass. I see outside is just the black night. No fire this side on outside of temple.

  Then part of shoin ceiling where is fire sudden collapse. This only about five feet away from me. I have to go now.

  But I am again look at statue of the Buddha. Is like this time I am hypnotise. I remember I tell foreign woman call Jo how it most old and valuable part of temple.

  Old paint eye of the Buddha statue seem to look deep in to my eye. I think how this statue soon burn and I feel same emotion as if human left in this room for to die.

  I just not able to let this thing happen. If whole temple burn still one thing must be save. It feel right that this be most old and precious part of temple.

  But I so weak. Before it take three man for to move this statue of the Buddha. I mean when ceiling above statue have to be fix. So this like now is impossible job.

  Still I have to try. I put both hand behind Buddha head and pull down. My bad wrist again feel like the knife have be put in it. Also now is much heat behind my back. I feel like steam is come from my clothe because they wet but now also get very hot. I am be like boil.

  I pull statue more hard and it start fall down. Some statue with the many arm fall off shelf as the Buddha statue fall. I not able to save these statue. Just the very old and precious statue of the Buddha.

  It fall on floor. I just able to move to one side otherwise I think it crash me. It make loud noise as it hit tatami mat. But it not break. Very strong and thick wood statue. But I see it head start to burn because it now next to fire.

  I hold statue ankle and try to pull it around and toward one of slide door with thin glass. Is much smoke now and fire is quick get worse inside shoin. Fire by my leg and more steam is come from my trouser. My leg feel like is be burn. I hear someone give cry of pain then realise that this person is me.

  It not good thing for to hold the Buddha statue by ankle. Because this not show the good respect. But I think the Buddha forgive me because of what is happen now.

  I start pull statue. It move little bit but terrible pain in my back. I am bend over as I try to pull statue. I not think I even able to stand now.

  More roof of ceiling collapse very near to me. One burn piece of wood hit my shoulder and some flame sudden burn one side of my face. I am now make horrible noise. My body just all pain. My hand feel like it is burn as I try to pull the Buddha statue.

  I think to let go but something in my mind just say no. I have to save the Buddha statue or I die here. That all. Other part of my mind try to argue but no use.

  I am slow pull statue for to one of slide door. Outside is wood platform then many small white stone before big rock around pond. I see now pond water is reflect fire in shoin room. My body is burn and pain and just want to go in deep cold water. Not matter that it winter outside.

  Part of the Buddha statue head is on fire. I remove my still slight wet jumper and use it to put out flame.

  Then I try to open slide door. It lock. Is metal key that turn like screw several time in door. I mean key alway there. But when I touch it with finger it burn. Metal have become very hot because of fire.

  Now I am desperate. I am start really to burn in this room full of smoke and flame.

  I more scream. I kick old door of wood and thin glass. It make crack noise. I kick more. I am just shout bad word like mad man. I think now if I stop for just one second I will fall and die. I mean I am just shout for to keep my self alive and move.

  Door sudden break in two. Both part fall out on wood platform. There is immediate cold air that is like heaven. It give me some more little strength I need.

  I move out on wood platform and hold the Buddha statue ankle again. I pull now and keep shout. Just keep pull and shout. My mind just full of pain of wrist and back and burn.

  There is more little fire on some of the Buddha statue.
I think only to put it in cold pond water. That only. No pain.

  I keep pull and pull and pull. No pain. Statue now fall from wood platform on to many small white stone and I am keep pull. Not far to pond. No pain. Lot of pain. Too much pain.

  Also tire. There is some dark around edge of my eye. I realise dark is get more big. Soon like I am look out of two long black tunnel.

  The Buddha statue head on white stone. Behind just flame and smoke and noise of thing crash. More cry and shout from me. Moon and star in black sky.

  Edge of pond now. Just step in water and keep walk back and pull the Buddha statue. Some hiss because water is put out small flame on statue.

  Feel of koi who move around bottom of my leg. Bottom of pond very slip and not level. Now almost deep as my waist.

  I am sudden slip and my head go under water. It feel more cold than ice. I think when in burn room I want be in this water. But now I know I very wrong. It help my burn body but it too cold for human. It have bad shock my already very injure body.

  The Buddha statue have sink head first. Just feet and some leg above water. But it save now. I have save the Buddha statue.

  But no remain strength. Like now what I have to do is finish I have no energy left even for to save my self.

  I am try stand up but just fall back against rock on edge of pond. Other side of pond away from all flame. Hit back of head hard on rock.

  Now black tunnel that is both my eye almost complete. I see only little of silver colour star as I look up at sky with my head between two big rock.

  I am lose conscious. I not want die but now I not even have strength for to cry about this. Almost like not care. Feel like nothing is matter. I have done best.

  I am above body now. Just float in air. See my body in water with much blood on face and burn on face and arm. I am free of very pain body.

  I am rise more high now. Soon can see all of burn temple. Also two fire engine and ambulance that have just come up steep slope to car park outside of temple hall.

  Big crowd of people still now. More big than I think even before. Other person may be come because temple is burn.

  Three fire man is already pull out hose from one fire engine. Yamashita san is shout something to other fire man. He is point in direction of gap in concrete wall I crawl through what now seem a different life before.

  Wind in tree and blow high flame one way and other. Snow is gentle fall. Is more peace more high I go. Away from fire and shout people. Look down at body and there is face only stick out of water. Eye close.

  Some koi swim around body that is under water. Body very still. I able to see these thing though I now very high up. Then slow my burn and blood cover face of human body sink under water and few moment hesitation.

  Sudden slight feel of regret and sad. Because I am die.

  Then I am start fly very fast west. To the place that is far beyond where sun set. To the place where all human life end and all other life begin.

  I am keep fly. Soon all world is left behind.

  Then

  One time when I was a boy I asked Yamashita san about the six realms.

  This is a very difficult concept even for a person like a priest or a monk to understand. So I was unable to understand all of what he said. But basically one of the six realms is where a person soul goes following that person death.

  The highest realm might be called the God Realm. In Japanese this can be interpreted as Tengoku. For example what a Christian calls heaven.

  This sounds like the most perfect place to be. But Yamashita san told me that actually this is not true. Because a person soul sent to the god realm becomes much too comfortable and so forgets to keep doing good deeds for the sake of their karma.

  So after a very long time a person soul in the god realm falls into a lower realm. Because they have used up all the good karma they collected before and have not tried to make any more.

  The next realm below the god realm is where the person soul that is a half god lives. The soul is sent here because the person lived a very good life before but still did some bad things like have jealous thoughts which prevented them from being sent straight to Tengoku.

  The soul in the half god realm has a much better existence than the person soul in some other lower realms. But still these souls in the half god realm are very jealous of the souls above them in Tengoku and this consequently affects their karma. (Yamashita san told me the souls in the half god realm are jealous of the souls in Tengoku like the souls in the animal realm are jealous of the souls in the human realm.)

  Yamashita san told me that the realm below the half god realm is in fact the best one to be born again in to. Because it is the human realm. It is the only realm where a person has the chance to become enlightened. This means a person can escape always having to be born again and again and again somewhere within the six different realms.

  But Yamashita san told me it has been many many years since a person has been able to become enlightened. Instead a person just wastes their life trying to get such things as a nice job good possessions money and a family.

  It is very hard to get in to the human realm. A person who dies and leaves the human realm is usually born again in a lower realm. So that person soul has to wait many existences before the chance again comes to again enter the human realm. Though of course when this chance does finally occur the person soul just wastes the ultimate opportunity of becoming enlightened once again.

  The animal realm is below the human realm. It contains the souls of people who behaved very stupidly when they were previously in the human realm. It is not however an extremely bad realm for a person soul to be in. But still the soul in the animal realm is very jealous of the person in the human realm.

  (Remember this is like the souls in the half god realm being jealous of the souls in the god realm. Yamashita san said this is because instead of just trying to improve ourselves we are always looking to compare ourselves to other people.)

  Below the animal realm things start to get a lot worse. In the realm that in Japanese is called Gaki the soul has a human shape. But this human looks extremely thin because they are unable to eat anything although they are always extremely hungry. (Also they are not able to drink anything although they are always extremely thirsty.) Also a soul in Gaki always feels extremely hot or extremely cold.

  The bottom realm is called in Japanese Jigoku. This simply means hell. The soul in Jigoku always feels very very angry. I mean so angry that it just makes them mad. No soul in Jigoku can think of how to leave this realm when everything they see hear just makes them mad.

  But Yamashita san tell me that if a person in the human realm gives a prayer for the soul of the person like a relative or friend who is in Jigoku then the Buddha hears and finally allows that soul to leave Jigoku.

  No soul ever stays in Jigoku for all time anyway. Probably that soul moves up to the next realm and becomes hungry and thirsty all the time. But still I think this is better than to be in hell.

  But when Yamashita san told me all this as a child I felt confused. I asked if the Pure Land is like Tengoku. Because the actual place called Pure Land is where all Pure Land Buddhists wish to go when they die. We learn that just to say Amida Buddha name enough times means we can go to the Pure Land. Even a bad person can say Amida Buddha name and if they really feel sorry then this is OK. I mean they are also able to go to the Pure Land.

  But if the Pure Land is like Tengoku then it doesn’t actually seem so perfect. I mean because a soul in Tengoku becomes lazy and use up all the good karma they have earned before. This means that they ultimate move to lower realm.

  Yamashita san laughed when I try to say all this. Remember I was only a boy. He pat my head with his hand.

  He said ‘You are far too young to worry about this sort of thing.’ He say ‘There are many different ideas and way to think in the Buddhism.’ He say ‘I will tell you more when you are more old.’

  But in time I learn not to ask question about t
hing that are for people like the priest and monk to think about anyway. Just to say Amida Buddha name when is chance so that I will be able to enter the Pure Land when my time in this human realm come to an end.

  Because it can come to end any time. This is thing I now realise very much.

  Sakura look very beautiful when she come for to visit me. She have on the make up and nice clothe.

  She stand by door of room and look at me lie on bed in pyjama. For few second she just stare at me. She put her hand by her mouth like she is feel the big shock.

  Then she say ‘Oh Hiro it not matter what have happen to you I still love you.’

  I say ‘That nice.’ I say ‘But you forget one thing.’ I say ‘We are not go out any more.’

  She give me special look with her nice eye and now walk close to my bed.

  In soft voice she say ‘You not mean that.’

  For a few moment I think yes she correct. Like my mind is just give the big shrug. I think we start go back out again. Because she very beautiful.

  But then I remember all thing that happen with apartment and tell my self not to be so baka. Also I think Sakura is just come now because of what she recent see on TV. Like she think if she is see with me then this make her the famous person like she want.

  But though I realise this thing I still not feel any thing like anger to Sakura any more. It just way she is. Thing before happen but not really matter then and certain not matter now.

  I look straight in Sakura nice eye. Like that time I look in Bad Boy eye in stand bar so he know exact what I am think. That if he ever even touch me again then I tell every one how I knock him out and make the blood come from his head.

  But now I also say ‘Yes I do mean that Sakura.’ I say ‘You and me are finish.’

  Sakura is try to keep look at me in the special way. But it no use. My heart have become hard to her now. She beautiful young woman. But many beautiful young woman in Japan and whole world. May be some of them also not have what can perhap be call the emotion problem.

  Then Sakura look at floor.